Archive for July, 2016

Do you have a “Doing Addiction”?

I’ve recently re-started going to the gym in the early morning hours. Each time I’ve gone, the same woman has been present both when I start my exercise and when I leave. She runs flat out on the treadmill, reads a magazine, and has ear buds in so she can watch the morning news.

She is a perfect example of how many of us run our lives: doing as much as we can with each moment.

While I have nothing against being productive, the desire to DO in each moment can end up becoming an addiction to the rush of cortisol and adrenaline. Neither of these hormones is friendly to your fertility over the long term. Breaking the habit of cortisol and adrenaline can be as challenging as trying to stop eating sugar or drinking your caffeinated beverage of choice.

If you are experiencing unexplained infertility, or if your fertility treatments have not been as successful as they “should” be, I highly recommend learning to balance your doing with being.

Being is not about sitting on a mountain top meditating while giving everything up but the clothes on your back. Being is not about giving up your desire to have your child.

Being is about creating places of quiet in your life. Being is about allowing peace in your body. Being is about trusting that no matter what happens, you are going to be a Mother and therefore you can feel peace and expectation in this moment, before you have any evidence of a baby.

To discover if you have a “Doing Addiction,” consider the following questions:

  1. When in your life do you allow yourself to be in a space of quiet? (Does your phone accompany you into the restroom? Do you always have the radio or TV on? When you are walking/running/exercising, do have your attention on something else as well?)
  2. What is your relationship with your to-do list? Is it always on your mind? Are you always adding to it?
  3. Do you always feel ‘behind’ and as if you have to catch up with everyone else?
  4. Do you feel guilty if you “just sit”?

If you find you are trending towards having a “Doing Addiction,” I invite you to plan a time of quiet into your daily life. Start small. Start with five minutes. Those minutes may feel like torture but the more you allow yourself peace throughout the day, the more you will lessen the effects on your fertility of constant adrenaline and cortisol.

Jennifer Bloome is a Fertility Expert helping women energetically balance and heal their mind, body, and spirit to boost natural fertility. Jennifer is the creator of the internationally recognized Journey of the Heart series of guided meditations to support women in all stages of fertility treatment and pregnancy. For 3 no-charge guided meditations as well as information on teleclasses or individual sessions, please visit http://www.anjionline.com.

Several years ago, I worked with a colleague who joked about how her fertility approach was starting to mirror her original approach to finding the right partner. She shared how she and her friends would laugh about how the right partner would only come when they weren’t looking… and spend their dinners out together trying to catch one of the others looking over their shoulders “just in case he was passing by.”

A Mind~Body~Spirit approach to fertility asks you to build your belief and expectation that your baby is on its way to you before you have any physical evidence this is true. In fact, I ask my clients to stop looking at the physical evidence (in essence asking them to stop looking over their shoulders to see if anything has changed).

A Mind~Body~Spirit approach is not generally a quick fix. The first evidence you are making a change shows up as feeling better emotionally and/or feeling more connected with your own divinity or understanding of how this fertility journey fits into the overall pattern of your life.

When you are constantly evaluating and asking, “Is this working,” it negates some of the Mind and Spirit shifts. This kind of question takes you out of trust and triggers the stress response in the body.

So, how do you make sure you are “doing” the approach correctly?

Here are a few guidelines:

  1. Ease all or nothing thinking.

    Of course the goal is to have your baby. At the same time, your body gives you signals it is shifting toward fertility. These signals can look like: your cycle shifting back towards “normal,” less stress, better sleep, less PMS, etc. See all of these signs as a signal you are building momentum towards the baby you want. Allow your momentum to build as opposed to judging a method negatively because it didn’t create a baby the first month.

  2. Ease up on the “why” questions.

    At first glance, “why” questions seem important. After all, if you can answer the “why” then you will most likely know the “how.” Yet, with fertility, this often isn’t the case. Either you are “un-explained” or you know there are certain issues with egg and sperm, but what should be the “how” doesn’t always yield a baby.

    Notice how often you are shifting into the “why” questions: why is this happening, why me, why is this taking so long, why isn’t this working?

    Why questions turn your attention to the past and base your momentum on past conditions (infertility) rather than the condition you want (a baby). Begin to be conscious of how often you are asking “why” questions. When one comes up, use it as a reminder to take a full, deep breath and bring yourself back into the present moment.

  3. Be willing to use emotional shifts as evidence you are making progress to your baby.

    This is often a really big shift to make because we are not used to emotions being anything other than something that makes us feel good or bad. In fact many people push away emotions.

    Your emotions are your key to how your body is functioning. This is a simplification, but — if you feel good, you are allowing your body to be in full functioning mode. If you feel bad, your body is receiving signals to start a stress response and shut down all but essential actions in your cells.

    Put your focus on being willing to a) Make the emotional shift (even feeling neutral rather than stressed is better for your body, and b) Celebrate the progress you are making towards your baby.

As you ease yourself through the ease of these steps, you will find yourself stepping more confidently into a feeling-state of hope, expectation and belief. These feeling-states will propel you forward towards your baby.

Jennifer Bloome is a Fertility Expert helping women energetically balance and heal their mind, body, and spirit to boost natural fertility. Jennifer is the creator of the internationally recognized Journey of the Heart series of guided meditations to support women in all stages of fertility treatment and pregnancy. For 3 no-charge guided meditations as well as information on teleclasses or individual sessions, please visit http://www.anjionline.com.